Fantasy
The Girl.
I can be sorry I am sorry for holding on this long, but I will never be sorry for continually loving you.
And so, you would ask whose blog is this you're visiting.
Black and white//
Maria Immanuelle Cubacub Devela
Mariel, Yel
19 y.o.
Ateneo De Manila University | Health Sciences Junior
From the south.
In a limited spectrum//
I don't know what people think of me. Neither do I know
what I think of myself, in a concrete sense. Well,
the main reason for this might be the fact
that I am easily attracted to random, weird things.
But deep beneath this lack of knowledge lies a girl
who prays for appreciation and love.
I have this slight aspiration of mixing up art and sciece
as I live.
Relative to my course, yes, I am kick-starting
my journey in the field of medicine. I would love it if
my future is spent running along hospital hallways saving
people's butt from danger. I think I want to be that
kickass surgeon everyone's talking about. If you wonder
about the length of time it would take me before I
actually become one, well I don't mind. I have these
wonderful people I live with - friends, family,
you name it - and I'm sure it would never be any less
boring compared to a life of a rockstar.
I also consider 50% of my life as an artist. I draw, I
design, and I write. Although I always find myself
stuck in a transcient reality, I use this up for my own
personal needs. It's awesome!
Some people tell me I have this bipolar disorder.
According to Dictionary.com,bipolar affective disorder
is "a mental health problem characterized by an
alternation between extreme euphoria and deep depression."
It's considerable given that I have an INFJ personality thingy.
At times, I stop and pause to scrutinize myself and
actually consider such problem. But then, oh well.
To tell you frankly, I can't remember when I started
drenching myself with music and letting it take another
part of my life. Yet, I stand today claiming how much
I love it. I actually appreciate bands so much, it's
verging on frustatration! Kidding. But then, I really do
like listening to them and all those awesome lyrics
behind the loud drumbeats and guitarstrums.
I could go on and on spending days typing all these
stuffs I like, but I might ran out of 'profile' page. So,
as for now, I only offer these.
Hope you consider reading this internet space. :)
Much love & respect,
♥Yel
Wishes
[x] Everyday electric/acoustic guitar
[x] New Guitar Pick/plectrum
[] Personalized Keds
[x]
64-Crayola Box Julie gave me 96, ♥ her!
[x] Vans slip-ons
[] T-shirts/Tops
   (x)White V-neck
   (x)Pink V-neck
   ()Monster-designed
   (x)Strawberry Shirt
[] Paramore Original CD's
    () All We Know Is Falling
    () Riot
    (x) The Final Riot
    (x) Brand New Eyes
[] Jackets
    ()Leather
    (x)Adidas-AteneoSesqui
    (x)Pop-designed
    (x)Plain
    (x)Cardigan
[] Starcraft II: Wings of Liberty
[] Left4Dead2
[] Graphic Tablet
Lusts
[] Personal Digital Camera
[x] Laptop
[] Room
Break the silence Ice.
Hi's, Hello's and Hugs.
Hello, friends! It would really make me absolutely happy if you leave a comment here, stating anything.
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I apologize for the inconvenience.
♘ So many what if's.
8.31.2010 @ 1:07 AM;
I don't want to sleep tonight.
Well, I am sleepy and dead tired but I won't sleep tonight. I don't know what I'm going to do, perhaps study or waste time, but I know I don't want to sleep. Too many things running around my head, too much pain, too much loneliness.
I don't know why everything happens all at once. I'm trying to keep whatever. At the same time, I want to burst from this emotion-filled day. Hope and despair are in constant pull for me to consider which side I'll take. Still undecided.
I thought I feel safe here. I am now filled with doubts here and there. I wanted to shout at the people concerned, out of rage, but I just can't, out of love. I wanted to confront them, but I have no strength nor courage. I wanted to fix things, but I don't know if I am in a position to do so.
I wanted to hate, but there's just so much love that I want to cry instead.
I was looking for somebody to talk to, I found none. I don't know what to do. I don't know what would happen next. I don't know what I'd do next. I don't know.
What if I commit...?
What if I start...?
What if I stop...?
What if I...?
:(
Labels: life, loneliness, pangungulila, personal story